Talking About Sextortion

Sextortion often begins with what seems like a normal online interaction. Talking about it early can help your child understand pressure, trust their instincts, and know they can come to you if something doesn’t feel right. Read on to find out how you can talk about it with your young person to help support them to stay safe online.

Sextortion can be a difficult topic to think about, but open, calm conversations can help your child recognise pressure and feel confident asking for help. This guide offers practical ways to talk about sextortion in a way that builds trust, awareness, and connection.

What to know

Sextortion is when someone pressures, manipulates or threatens a young person to send sexual images or videos, or to continue sharing them. It often involves building trust or connection first, asking for images or videos and then using threats, pressure, or fear to control the situation.

It can happen quickly, with young people not always realise what’s happening until they feel pressured or trapped, which can feel overwhelming, distressing or frightening.

Sextortion doesn’t usually start with threats, it often begins with what feels like a normal interaction and can happen with someone your child doesn’t know or someone they think they know or trust.

For parents and caregivers, it's important not to assume that young people will recognise what’s happening straight away or that they would always say no. Sextortion relies on pressure, manipulation and often shame - and can happen to anyone.

Your relationship with your child, and their confidence in coming to you, is one of the most important protective factors against sextortion. What helps most is supporting your child to understand boundaries, recognise pressure, trust their instincts and feel safe asking for help.

Top tips for talking about it

Start with calm, open conversations

Sextortion can feel like a scary topic, but starting with calm, everyday conversations helps your child feel safe to talk, rather than worried about getting in trouble. You don’t need to go into detail straight away. Keeping things simple and open makes it easier for your child to engage.

You might say:

“Have you heard about people being pressured to share images online?”
“Do people your age ever talk about this kind of thing?”
“What would someone do if they felt pressured to send something?”

Calm, open conversations make it easier for your child to talk about pressure or uncomfortable situations.

Help them understand how pressure can happen

Sextortion often starts with someone building a connection through chat, gaming, or social media, before introducing pressure.

This might look like someone being friendly or flirtatious, asking for photos or videos, making it feel normal or expected, and then using pressure, threats, or manipulation. Helping your child understand that pressure can build gradually makes it easier for them to recognise it.

You might say:

“Sometimes people online aren’t who they say they are.”
“Have you ever seen someone being asked for photos online?”
“What do you think someone could do if that happened?”

Understanding how pressure develops helps young people recognise situations before they escalate.

Talk about consent, boundaries and saying no

Young people need to know that they are always in control of what they share. No one has the right to pressure them, rush them or make them feel guilty or responsible, and reinforcing this builds confidence and clarity.

You might say:

“No one should pressure you to send photos or videos.”
“You can always say no, even if you’ve been talking to someone for a while.”
“If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to stop.”

Clear boundaries help young people feel confident saying no and protecting themselves.

Reinforce that it’s never their fault

One of the biggest barriers to young people asking for help is shame. They may worry they’ve done something wrong, and fear punishment and blame even if they were pressured or manipulated.

It’s important to clearly and repeatedly reinforce that if something happens online it’s not their fault, they won’t be blamed and they won’t be in trouble for being honest.

You might say:

“If something like this ever happened, it wouldn’t be your fault.”
“Even if you made a mistake, we’d work through it together.”
“You won’t be in trouble for telling me.”

Reducing shame makes it more likely your child will ask for help if they need it.

Talk about how quickly things can change online

Online situations can shift quickly from normal conversation to pressure or threats. Young people may not expect this, especially if they feel they know or trust the person, so helping them understand that situations can change helps them stay aware.

You might say:

“Sometimes conversations online can change quickly.”
“What would you do if something suddenly felt different or uncomfortable?”
“How would you know when to step away?”

Understanding how quickly situations can change helps young people stay aware and respond early.

Encourage them to trust their instincts and pause

Young people often sense when something isn’t right but they may ignore it or feel unsure what to do. Let them know it’s okay to , pause, stop responding, leave a conversation or take time before reacting.

You might say:

“If something feels off, it’s worth paying attention to.”
“You don’t have to respond straight away.”
“It’s okay to step back and think.”

Trusting their instincts helps young people recognise and step away from pressure.

Let them know they can come to you, no matter what

If your child ever feels pressured, worried, or unsure, they need to know they can talk to you. This is especially important with sextortion, where fear and embarrassment can stop young people from asking for help.

You might say:

“If anything like this ever happens, you can always come to me.”
“You won’t be in trouble for telling me.”
“We’ll figure it out together.”

Knowing they can come to you without judgement makes it easier for your child to ask for help.

Bonus Conversation Starters

These questions don’t need to be asked all at once. One small conversation at a time can help build awareness over time.

“Do people your age ever feel pressure to send photos or videos?”
“What would someone do if they were asked for something like that?”
“How would you know if someone online wasn’t being genuine?”
“What would you do if a conversation suddenly felt uncomfortable?”
“Do people talk about what’s okay and not okay to share?”
“What would you do if someone asked you to keep something secret?”
“Who could you talk to if something didn’t feel right?”
“What advice would you give a friend in that situation?”
“What helps you trust your instincts online?”
“What would make it easier to ask for help?”

If you're concerned...

If your child ever feels pressured, uncomfortable, or unsure in an online interaction, the most important thing is that they feel able to talk about it.

Encourage them to:

pause and step back
trust their instincts
not respond to pressure
talk to someone they trust or contact Netsafe

You might say:

“If something feels off, it’s okay to stop.”
“You don’t have to deal with anything like that on your own.”
“I’m always here if you want to talk.”

Keeping this simple and supportive helps your child feel confident to reach out.

You don’t need to have all the answers about sextortion. Staying calm, curious, and connected helps your child build the confidence to recognise when something doesn’t feel right, and to know they don’t have to handle it alone.