Learn About Chatting Online

Chatting online is a big part of online life for many tamariki and rangatahi - and it's how they keep connected with each other, and friends and whānau further afield. Let's learn about how to support safety and wellbeing while chatting online.

In a nutshell

Chatting online means sending messages, voice or video calls to individual or group chats through apps or games.

It’s a way for tamariki and rangatahi to talk with friends, classmates or people with similar interests. Chatting online can be casual, supportive, or a way to express themselves.

Some chats are with people they already know, others might be new connections, and the features of online chats (who can message, who can join a chat) vary by platform.

Popular apps and platforms that facilitate online chat include WhatsApp, Messenger, Discord and SnapChat, along with many others.

Online chatting has the potential to allow strangers to be in contact with your child, so it’s really important to manage settings in the app or platform, and to teach your child about chatting safely online.

5-minute whānau safety check

We’ve talked together about who can message or call them
We’ve checked chat settings to limit unknown contacts
We've check app permissions to disable location sharing, camera and microphone access where not needed
We've enabled 'safe chat mode' or 'kids-only' settings where available
We’ve agreed what kind of chat behaviour feels safe
We’ve practised blocking or muting messages
My child knows they can come to me, and I know can reach out to Netsafe if needed

What to expect

When teens chat online, you might see:

Frequent messaging, after school or during downtime
Short replies, abbreviations, emojis, gifs, voice notes
Use of group chats with many participants
Occasional mood shift based on what’s said or seen

If you notice your child becoming anxious, hiding their screen, reacting strongly to a message, or avoiding talking about what’s happening - it might be a cue to check in gently and see if everything is OK online.

What's the up-side?

Why do our tamariki and rangatahi want to chat online?

Connection and support

Online Chat lets rangatahi reach out, share, laugh and unwind together, especially when friends can’t catch up in person.

Sharing and identity

They may share jokes, music links, personal stories or memes. Chat is part of how they show who they are to others.

Help and advice

Some young people use chat to share feelings or check in with close friends when things are tough. Checking up on each other after school or talking through everyday worries often feels more comfortable via chat face to face.

Convenience and speed

Chat is instant and informal. Typing a quick message or voice note can be much easier than engaging face-to-face, especially for shy rangatahi.

Sometimes I talk online because it’s easier to say what I feel in words than in person

Youth Participant

No Single Online Experience – Youth Roadshow Report 2025

What's the flip-side?

Whilst chatting online has its upsides, there are also some risks

Always on

Being constantly reachable can make it hard for young people to relax or feel safe, especially if someone is bothering or bullying them. When messages, group chats, or notifications never stop, it can start to feel overwhelming or inescapable.

Contact from stranger

Someone they don't know in-person might message, friend request or call them.

Inappropriate content or requests

They might receive messages that use rude language, share personal or inappropriate content, or ask for private information.

Misrepresentation

People aren’t always who they say they are. Some fake profiles look real and might pose to be someone from the same school or sports club, in an effort to trick and mislead.

Emotional and social impact

Messages can be misread and tone can be hard to communicate via text, which can lead to misunderstandings or friendship dramas and ultimately impact mood.

Safety Check

Use the settings
- Sit down with your child and show them how to set messaging to friends only or private mode. Check this setting together every few months
- Make sure they know how to mute, block and report in every app that they use
Encourage your child to take regular “offline” breaks
- mute group chats at night, set quiet hours, or switch off notifications completely for a while. Remind them that it’s okay to pause conversations or block people if they need space, they don't need to be contactable all the time
Practice help-seeking
- Work together to plan for what to do if something happens. Learn how to block, mute and report and take a screenshot before deleting messages. Remind them they can always talk to you first
School up on fake accounts
- Read Netsafe’s impersonation scam guide together to learn what red flags to watch for, such as new accounts with few photos, sudden compliments, or urgent requests

Top Tips

Click on each block to learn more about how you can support your whānau to have safer online chats.

Ask open questions:

“Who do you like chatting with and why?”
“What kinds of chat messages make you laugh or feel safe?”
“How did chatting make you feel today?”

Keep chat conversations casual and ongoing — a few small questions often work better than one big talk. Try weaving it into normal moments, like car rides, dinner, or while you’re both on your devices.

“Any funny or weird memes going around?”
“What’s the best message you got this week?”
“I saw this funny message in our family group today — what’s been happening in yours?”

Open an app together and let them show you how the chat works to build trust and visibility.

Practice blocking, muting and reporting in the app and talk about when and why those features might be useful.

Set times when chat is okay and when devices rest (e.g. after 9 pm)
Talk about who it’s OK to chat with and who it’s not (people you know in real life, not strangers)
Model respectful chat yourself (kind replies, pauses)
Review and update chat boundaries together regularly
Celebrate when they step back from drama or pressure