How To Respond: Grooming

Recognise, Respond, Support:

Grooming

What is it?

Online grooming happens when someone works to gain a child’s trust, and sometimes the trust of their family or community, to enable abuse or exploitation.

Online, this often involves building a friendship or close connection to make the child feel safe and valued. The goal can be sexual, emotional, or financial exploitation.

People who groom may pretend to be a peer or a caring adult.

They often use tactics like giving gifts, offering compliments, sharing secrets, or making the child feel special to strengthen the bond.

Because the internet makes children more accessible, grooming can happen on any platform and usually develops gradually over time.

If you, your child or someone you know is worried about messages they are receiving online - support is available and it's important to seek help and advice; you are not alone.

Prevention tips

Open communication is vital.

Discuss the risks of interacting with strangers online and the importance of managing online friendships safely, identifying and addressing uncomfortable online interactions and respecting consent as a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships.

As a digital guardian, try to stay informed about the platforms and applications your young person uses and check in on the privacy settings and controls that can be applied to limit contact from people you don't know.

Recognising the signs

These may be indicators that something is happening for your young person online:

New online “friends” they won’t talk about
Increased secrecy about messages or chats
Sudden closure or switching of device screens when around adults
Unexpected or unexplained gifts, money, devices, gaming credits etc.
Withdrawal from family or friends
Changes in sense of self including mood changes, anxiety or distress
Engaging in risky behaviours or trying to meet someone in person they met online

What to do

Stay calm
- Thank them for telling you, acknowledge the situation and validate that they have done the right thing by letting you know
Preserve evidence
- Don’t delete messages or accounts; take screenshots of the conversations and account information and try to capture all evidence if possible
Report and stop contact
- Report the person or the account to the platform where the interaction happened and immediately stop all communication
Privatise your child’s online accounts
- Ensure that your child’s online accounts are set to the highest level of privacy
Support your child’s recovery
- Offer reassurance, structure, and professional support, like a trained counsellor, if needed
Report to Netsafe
- Contact Netsafe for immediate advice and support.
- Do not send explicit images directly to Netsafe - contact the helpline if you are unsure what to send or how to capture evidence
- Contact the Police - for online grooming reports ask to speak to the Child Protection Team

Tips to connect and prevent further harm

Depending on the age and stage of your child you might:

Talk about what healthy friendships and connection look like online and offline
Explain why some adults pretend to be kids or offer gifts to gain trust
Role-play safe responses, such as saying no, blocking, and telling a trusted adult
Encourage reflection:
- “What makes a friendship or relationship feel safe and positive to you?”
- “If someone asks for something inappropriate or makes you feel uncomfortable, what could you do?”
- “What do you think would help if someone unknown online tries to build a connection with you?”
Discuss red flags like secrecy, pressure, bribery and flattery and what this may look like online
Help by talking through what feels safe and what doesn’t and encouraging your child to create their own rules for online interactions with your support and guidance
Emphasise that grooming is a form of online manipulation and that if something like that happens online it is never their fault