Learn About Online Friendships

Growing up in a connected world means that many tamariki will think nothing of finding and growing friendships in online spaces, possibly with people they have not met in real life. Online friendships often start through games, social media or shared hobbies, and can be fun, supportive and genuine. However, online friendships with people we don’t know in real life can be a safety risk, and so it’s essential to build the skills to help tell the difference between safe, healthy friendships and ones that might not feel right.

In a nutshell

Online friendships are relationships formed through digital spaces, such as messaging apps, gaming platforms, social media, forums or chat servers.

These friends might live in a different town, city or country. They might share interests, talk regularly, support each other, and can sometimes progress to wanting to meet face-to-face.

For rangatahi, online friendships may feel just as real as “offline” ones because they invest time, trust and emotion in them, and for them there is little distinction between online and offline worlds.

5-minute whānau safety check

We’ve talked with our child about who they consider a friend online
We’ve checked their friend lists / contact lists together
We’ve reviewed privacy settings to limit visibility to those they trust
We’ve practised how they can block, mute or leave a friendship if something feels wrong
My child knows they can always come to me, and I know how to contact Netsafe if needed

What to expect

In online friendships you might notice:

Friend requests from people your child doesn’t know in real life
Frequent chatting, direct messages or group threads
Encouragement to share more personal details or pictures
A mix of consistency and unpredictability in how much connection they maintain

If your child seems uneasy, secretive about who they’re talking to, reluctant to show you friend lists, or starts dropping offline friendships, these may be signals that it’s time for a kōrero about online safety.

What's the up-side?

How can online friendships support and uplift your child?

Connection and belonging

Online friends can be lifelines, especially if they don’t have many local friends or share niche interests.

Shared identity and understanding

Young people often find others who understand them more easily online, due to shared interests, identity, or challenges.

Emotional support and listening

Online friends can offer a listening ear or encouragement that might be missing in a young persons offline network.

Growth and perspective

Exposure to different cultures, ideas or ways of thinking can expand horizons.

Online friends don’t judge me as much because we share similar things

Youth Participant

No Single Online Experience – Youth Roadshow Report 2025

What's the flip-side?

Online friendships can be supportive and uplifting, but there are some risks in chatting to people that you don't know in person.

Misrepresentation and fake profiles

Some people may pretend to be someone they are not by using fake photos or false identities to gain trust and connection. This may lead to more serious risks of harm such as grooming, sextortion or scamming.

Uncomfortable requests

An online friend might ask for personal data, photos or conversations that feel awkward or inappropriate.

Pressure to be available

Your young person might feel obligated to chat daily, reply instantly or keep up appearances - when what they really want is some space. Online friendships can become intense more quickly than they might in an offline setting.

Betrayal or gossip

What seems like a safe space can turn sour quickly, and secrets shared may be leaked or trust broken.

Safety Check

Use the settings

Review privacy / “friend request” settings and set to “trusted only” or “friends of friends.”
Turn off 'auto-recommendations' or 'people you may know' options where possible
Disable location-sharing features in apps used for chats
check the visibility of profile information and posts; remove personal or private information

Red flags

Help your child to spot red flags like new accounts with no history, pressure to move into a different platform or too-good-to-be-true stories.

Roleplay

Practice different scenarios with your child, such as what to say if someone asks you something that makes you feel uncomfortable (“No thanks,” “I’m not comfortable,” “I’ll talk to my parent.”) Encourage them to block and tell you.

Encourage wellbeing

Talk about healthy boundaries in online friendships and building trust slowly. Help them decide when it’s okay to pause communication and set “rest times.”

Top Tips

Click on each block to learn more about how you can support your whānau to have safer online friendships.

Ask what they enjoy about connecting online, and let them see that you’re listening

“What makes a good friend online for you?”
“Who’s your closest online friend?
What do you enjoy chatting about?”

Small, regular kōrero beat one-off, big online safety chats.

Find opportunities to check in on online life when driving the car, doing the shopping or making dinner, to create a casual and non-confrontational opportunity for conversation.

“Did you hear from your friend today?”
“What did you talk about with them?”
“What’s the latest news from the online chat?”

Go through friends lists together and check who they know in person, and who they only know online. Do the same with your accounts to build trust and openness.

Practise responses to awkward or pressuring messages, and how to mute, block and report in the platform.

Talk about boundaries, rest and taking breaks.