Talking About Cyberbullying

Online conflict or bullying can sometimes be dismissed as “just online” but for young people, it feels very real. Read on to find out how you can talk about it with your young person to help support them while maintaining your connection.

Cyberbullying can be a common part of young people’s online experiences and it often happens within peer groups, not just from strangers. Young people may experience online bullying in a number of ways, and it's important they feel able to come to you for help is they need it.

What to know

Cyberbullying is behaviour that uses digital technology to hurt, threaten, embarrass or exclude someone, and it can be repeated behaviour or a single incident that causes harm (like sharing something once but widely).

It can take place across various online spaces including social media, group chats, gaming platforms and messaging apps and often spills over across platforms and across online and offline spaces (for example something starting online one evening and continuing in the school yard the following day).

Some examples include:

sending mean or threatening messages
sharing private images or information
excluding someone from online groups
spreading rumours
encouraging others to target someone

Online environments can make bullying feel more intense because it can happen anytime (not just at school), content can be shared widely and it can feel hard to escape as devices are 'always on'.

Many young people won’t tell adults straight away and may keep it hidden, or seek advice from their peers first. Often this is because they want to handle it themselves or worry about the consequences that may come from telling a grown up.

Top tips for talking about it

Start with curiosity, not assumptions

If you’re worried about cyberbullying, it can be easy to jump to conclusions or ask direct questions like “Are you being bullied?” but starting with curiosity helps your child feel safer to open up, especially if they’re unsure how to talk about what’s happening.

You might say:

“What’s it like communicating with people online at the moment?”
“Do people your age ever deal with drama or conflict online?”
“What happens when people fall out in group chats or online?”

Starting with curiosity makes it easier for your child to share what’s really going on.

Acknowledge how real online experiences feel

Online conflict or bullying can sometimes be dismissed as “just online” but for young people, it feels very real. Messages, comments, or posts can spread quickly, be seen by large groups, and feel constant and hard to escape. Validating their experience helps them feel understood and can open the door for them to share more.

You might say:

“Things that happen online can feel just as real as things that happen in person.”
“That sounds really tough, I can see why that would affect you.”
“Online situations can escalate quickly, can’t they?”

Recognising the real impact of online behaviour helps your child feel seen and supported.

Help them understand what cyberbullying can look like

Cyberbullying isn’t always obvious and it can be subtle or build over time. It might include mean or hurtful messages, exclusion from group chats, sharing rumours or private information, repeated negative comments, or people piling on or encouraging others to join in.

Talking about these behaviours helps young people recognise when something isn’t okay.

You might say:

“What do you think counts as crossing the line online?”
“Have you seen situations where things went too far?”
“What does respectful behaviour look like in a group chat?”

Understanding what cyberbullying looks like helps young people recognise and respond to it.

Talk about roles, not just victims and bullies

Young people who aren't directly targeted, or the one directly bullying another, can still play roles that may either reduce or escalate the harm. For example, watching it happen online, joining in, or sharing with others adds to the harm experienced by the person being targeted. Whereas stepping in and showing support online, or checking in with someone privately may help reduce the impact.

Helping them understand these roles builds empathy and confidence to act.

You might say:

“What do people usually do when they see something like that?”
“Is it easy or hard to step in or say something?”
“What could someone do if they didn’t feel comfortable joining in?”

Exploring different roles helps young people understand their choices and the impact they can have.

Respond, don't react

When something upsetting happens online, it’s easy to react quickly which can sometimes make things worse. Supporting your child might mean pausing and waiting for them to tell you how they want you to respond, which can help them feel more in control.

You might say:

“What would like from me right now?”
“How would you like me to support you? Do you want to just talk, or shall we make a plan for what to do next?”
“Is there anyone else you'd like me to reach out to, to get you some support?”

Checking in with what your young person needs and wants from you can help them feel in control, and supports them to handle difficult situations more calmly and confidently.

Look out for subtle signs something might be wrong

Young people don’t always tell adults when they’re being bullied online. You might notice mood changes after being online, reluctance to check messages, withdrawal from friends or activities, changes in sleep or confidence or secrecy around devices.

These are cues for gentle, supportive conversations.

You might say:

“I’ve noticed you seem a bit different lately, how are things going online?”
“Has anything happened that didn’t feel great?”

Noticing small changes can help you support your child before things escalate.

Let them know they can come to you, no matter what

Young people often don’t ask for help because they’re worried that they’ll get in trouble, their device will be taken away or the situation will get worse. Reassure them that your priority is their safety and wellbeing.

You might say:

“If anything like this ever happens, you can talk to me.”
“You won’t be in trouble for telling me.”
“We’ll figure this out together.”

Knowing they can come to you without fear makes it more likely your child will seek support.

Bonus Conversation Starters

These questions don’t need to be asked all at once. One small conversation at a time can help build trust and understanding.

“Do people your age ever deal with drama or bullying online?”
“What happens when people fall out in group chats?”
“What do you think crosses the line online?”
“What would someone do if they were being targeted?”
“What would you do if you saw someone else being bullied?”
“Is it easy or hard to speak up in those situations?”
“Who could someone talk to if something didn’t feel right?”
“What makes an online space feel safe?”
“How do people show respect online?”
“What advice would you give a friend in that situation?”

If you're concerned...

If your child is affected by cyberbullying, whether they’ve experienced it, been involved, or witnessed it - your response matters.

Try to stay calm, listen without judgement, avoid blaming or taking over immediately and focus on what support they need.

You might say:

“Thank you for telling me, that wasn’t easy.”
“I’m really glad you came to me.”
“Let’s work out what to do next together.”

Practical steps might include:

saving evidence (screenshots, messages)
blocking or muting the person
reporting to the platform or school
seeking additional support from Netsafe if needed

Acting early can help reduce harm and prevent things from escalating.

You don’t need to have all the answers about cyberbullying. Staying calm, curious, and connected helps your child feel supported and better able to navigate difficult situations online.