How To Respond: Exposure to online porn

Recognise, Respond, Support:

Online Porn

What is it?

Pornography is easy to find online, which means young people might come across it, sometimes by accident, sometimes out of curiosity, or even through friends.

Children and teens have different levels of sexual knowledge and experience, and seeing pornography can give them unrealistic ideas about bodies, relationships, and consent. It can also influence how they think about respect, intimacy, consent and sex.

Curiosity is natural, but seeing pornography at a young age can create unrealistic expectations, and influence how a child understands intimacy, commitment, and emotional development.

If you, your child or someone you know is concerned about seeing inappropriate or pornographic content online, support is available and it's important to seek help and advice; you are not alone.

Staying safe

Not all pornographic material available online is safe or legal.

Legal pornography: In New Zealand, pornography is legal, but you must be at least 18 years old to access it.

Illegal pornography: Any material involving children, animals, deceased individuals, cruelty, severe violence or abuse is considered "objectionable" and is illegal to possess or view.

Certain extreme types of sexual content are classified as 'objectionable material' under New Zealand law, making it illegal to possess or view such content.

Exploitation considerations: There is a significant concern about exploitation in pornography. It can be challenging to verify if all individuals in pornographic content consented to its release or were compensated fairly, given how easily content can be reposted online.

Recognising the signs

These may be indicators that something is happening for your young person online:

Secrecy around device use, for example clearing browser history, hiding screens, or quickly closing tabs, or unusual apps on their devices
Excessive screen time or late-night internet use
Sudden changes in mood or withdrawal from family and friends
Disinterest in hobbies they once enjoyed
Irritability, emotional outbursts, or difficulty managing emotions

What to do

Stay calm and approach the conversation openly
- Curiosity about sex and relationships is normal, and pornography is something many people encounter online, including young people
Avoid shaming or reacting with anger as this can shut down communication
- Instead, focus on understanding and supporting your child. You might say something like:
- "I’ve noticed you seem more withdrawn lately, and I’m concerned about how much time you’re spending online. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
Set clear boundaries
- Talk about age-appropriate content, websites and social platforms. You could also explain what your expectations are around safe access and use of the internet
Use tools like filters or safe search settings
- These can help reduce the risk exposure to harmful or intimate content online
Focus on your family values
- Have open and honest conversations about what healthy relationships look like, including real intimacy, empathy, and consent
Get support
- Consider reaching out to support services such as, a trained counselling service (examples of In The Know. Safe to Talk)

Tips to connect and prevent further harm

Depending on the age and stage of your child you might:

Start early with conversations about consent, sex and healthy relationships
Frame curiosity as normal but explain why pornography and intimate content online can sometimes be more harmful than good
Encourage questions and keep conversations open. It’s better for your child to feel safe and comfortable talking to you than to seek answers from online sources that may be inaccurate or harmful for their age
Ensure that your child knows they have a safe space to ask you questions without fear, shame, blame or minimisation
Talk openly about intimacy and explain that pornography often misrepresents sex, consent, and pleasure. Use these conversations to reinforce values like respect, privacy, and emotional connection