Talking About Sexting and Nudes

What to know

Young people might come across situations online in which they send or receive intimate images. This may be motivated through group chats or peer conversations, relationships or dating, curiosity about bodies and identity, or through pressure from others.

For some, it can feel like a way to explore relationships or express trust and intimacy. For others, it might come up unexpectedly, like being asked to send an image, being shown someone else’s photo, or seeing content shared without consent. These situations can move quickly and feel hard to navigate, especially when there are strong emotions, social pressure, or a fear of missing out.

Not all young people will experience harm from sharing nudes or sexting, but there are real risks to be aware of. Images can be shared beyond the intended person, sometimes widely and without consent. This can lead to embarrassment, reputational harm, bullying, or ongoing distress. In some cases, young people may also experience pressure, coercion, or manipulation to share images, including from people they know or trust.

It’s also important to understand that the law in Aotearoa New Zealand treats images of people under 18 differently, even if they were shared between peers. This can add another layer of complexity and potential consequences, which young people are not always aware of.

Many young people won’t tell an adult straight away if something has happened online. They might feel ashamed, worried about getting in trouble, or unsure if they’ll be believed. That’s why creating a safe, open environment for conversations matters so much, and helping your young person feel informed, supported, and able to make decisions. Knowing they can come to you without fear of judgement or punishment makes it much more likely they’ll reach out if they need help.

Top tips for talking about it

Be curious and vulnerable

It may feel awkward or embarrassing to talk about this, and that’s okay. You can name that and let your young person know you don’t feel entirely comfortable either. This can help put them at ease and show that it’s safe to talk, even when things feel tricky.

These conversations don’t have to be perfect. Small, ongoing chats build trust and connection over time. Try to stay calm and genuinely curious. Young people are more likely to open up when they feel listened to, not judged.

You might say:

• “I’ve been hearing a lot about people sharing images online. Is that something you see happening with people your age?”
• “What do young people think about sending nudes or private photos?”
• “What would someone do if they were pressured to send a photo?”

Talk about consent and respect

Help your young person understand that consent matters at every stage, not just when an image is taken, but when it’s shared.

Even if an image was shared privately, it is never okay to pass it on without permission.

You might say:

• “No one should pressure someone to send nude images.”
• “If someone shares a private image with you, that doesn’t mean you can share it with others.”
• “Passing on someone’s intimate image can cause real harm and embarrassment.”

Help your child think about pressure and choices

Young people might send images for lots of reasons, for example curiosity, pressure, relationships, or wanting to fit in.

Talking about these situations ahead of time helps them feel more prepared and confident.

You could ask:

• “What might someone do if they felt pressured to send a photo?”
• “What could you say if someone asked for something you weren’t comfortable with?”
• “What would you do if someone shared someone else’s photo in a group chat?”

Let them know they can come to you, no matter what

Many young people don’t ask for help because they’re worried about getting in trouble. Reassure them that your priority is their safety and wellbeing, not blame or punishment.

You might say:

• “If something like this ever happens to you or someone you know, you can always talk to me.”
• “Even if you’ve made a mistake, we can work through it together.”
• “I love you, and you won’t be in trouble for being honest with me."

Keep it age-appropriate and ongoing

You don’t need to cover everything at once. Tailor conversations to your child’s age, stage, and experiences, and build on them over time.

You might say:

• “This kind of stuff can come up at different times, so we can keep talking about it whenever you want.”
• “You don’t have to have all the answers now — we can figure things out as we go.”

Talk about digital permanence

Help your young person understand that once an image is shared, it can be very hard to control where it goes, even if it was sent privately or in trust.

You might say:

• “Even if you trust someone, things can change — and images can be shared in ways you didn’t expect.”
• “Once something is sent, it can be really hard to take it back.”

Discuss what to do if something happens

Young people often don’t know what steps to take if an image is shared or they feel uncomfortable. Let your child know there are safe places to get help beyond just you, especially if something feels too big or uncomfortable to talk about at home.

You might say:

• “If something like that ever happened, what do you think you’d want to do first?”
• “We could block the person, report it, or get help; you wouldn’t have to handle it alone.”
• “If you didn’t want to talk to me, is there someone else you’d feel okay going to?”
• “There are people whose job it is to help with this and we can find support together.”

Challenge normalisation and group dynamics

Sometimes sharing images or talking about them can be normalised in group chats or peer groups. Help your child think critically about what’s “normal” versus what’s respectful.

You might say:

• “Just because other people are doing something doesn’t mean it’s okay.”
• “What do you think about people sharing someone else’s photo in a group chat?”