How To Respond: Incitement to Suicide or Self-Harm

Recognise, Respond, Support:

Incitement to Suicide or Self-Harm

What is it?

Messages, comments, or posts that encourage someone to harm themselves, through self-harm or suicide, are serious and dangerous.

These messages can be direct or indirect, and sometimes explicit or subtle. For example, a direct message might say, “Just go and kill yourself,” while an indirect post could state, “You are worthless.”

Some online spaces even promote or normalise this type of harmful content. These can appear in forums, chat groups, or social media posts that encourage risky behaviour or share methods of self-harm.

Young people who feel vulnerable or isolated may be drawn to these communities seeking understanding or validation, without realising the danger.

Any exposure to this kind of content should always be treated seriously.

If you, your child or someone you know is being affected, support is available and it's important to seek help and advice; you are not alone.

Encouraging self-harm or suicide is illegal

In New Zealand, it is illegal to incite or encourage another person to take their own life, even if they don’t attempt to harm themselves.

This includes by digital communications (e.g., text, email, social media messages) and offline communications (e.g., encouraging someone in person).

The Harmful Digital Communications Act (HDCA) amended the Crimes Act in 2015 to make it illegal to encourage or incite anyone to suicide, regardless of whether they attempt to harm themselves.

Recognising the signs

These may be indicators that something is happening for your young person online, or they may be affected by cyberbullying:

Sudden withdrawal or isolation from family, friends and things they used to do or enjoy
Mood changes and avoidance in school or social activities without clear reason
Deleting messages, browsing history or changing their social media information frequently
Following or engaging with accounts that share dark, harmful or triggering content
Talking about methods of self-harm or suicide, even indirectly

Unexplained injuries or signs of self-harm can be a serious red flag.

These signs might be subtle and easy to miss.

Alongside this, watch for emotional indicators such as your child expressing guilt, shame, or saying they feel like a burden.

These can signal that they’re struggling and may need support.

What to do

Create a safe space to talk
- Listen without judgement, encouraging them to share what is happening and how they feel
Save evidence
- Take screenshots of messages, posts, or accounts involved. Keep any relevant information like usernames or links
Prioritise safety
- If your child is in immediate danger, call 111 or seek support from the suicide crisis helpline
Report the content and accounts
- Use the platform’s reporting tools to flag harmful messages, posts or account
Contact Netsafe for support
- Netsafe can escalate the issue to the platform and provide guidance on next steps
Seek emotional support
- Connect your child with a school counsellor or wellbeing service, professional support can make a big difference

Tips to connect and prevent further harm

Depending on the age and stage of your child you might:

Keep check-ins gentle and regular
- “How are you feeling about things lately?”
Help them recognise unhealthy content and why some online spaces or messaging can be unsafe
Remind them they can always talk to you, a teacher, or another trusted adult
Celebrate small wins and positive self-talk
Talk calmly and listen carefully. Avoid judgment; show care, empathy and understanding
Be open, honest and compassionate - and let them know that you love them and are there to help
Encourage them to think about who they can reach out to if they feel low or if they need a little bit of extra support
Explore wellbeing strategies together: breaks from screens, physical activity, connecting with friends or a new, exciting hobby
Stay connected with small, everyday interactions and check-ins; these matter more than big “talks”