How To Respond: Identity and self-esteem

Recognise, Respond, Support:

Identity and Self-esteem

What is it?

Social media and having an online presence play a big role in how young people connect, communicate, and feel a sense of belonging.

It can help shape identity and build community. But online spaces can also create pressure to look, act, or live a certain way, which can impact confidence and emotional wellbeing.

Likes, followers, and group chats can sometimes make self-worth feel tied to numbers or popularity.

While the internet can be a great space for exploring identity and connecting with others, it can also amplify comparison.

This constant comparison can lead to insecurity and affect how someone sees themselves.

If you, your child or someone you know is worried about the effect online life is having on mental health or self-esteem, support is available and it's important to seek help and advice; you are not alone.

Youth Body Image

in 2024 Netsafe and the Classification Office - Te Mana Whakaatu - released join research on the online experience and its influence on youth body image in New Zealand.

You can red the research summary here.

Recognising the signs

These may be indicators that something is happening for your young person online:

Pressure to change how they look, act or present themselves to “fit in”
Questioning or dismissing their identity or values
Comparing themselves with others and feeling inadequate
Using filters excessively or hiding from photos
Sudden changes in mood or excluding themselves from things they used to enjoy
Engaging in risky behaviours, like sharing private information or personal images

What to do

Acknowledge and validate
- Acknowledge the pressure of growing up in a digital environment, where there are trends, likes and following, but provide validation that they are enough as they are, and that these things are not a measure of their self-worth
Provide context
- Remind them that what you see online is only a small part of someone’s life. People choose what they share, and most posts show the highlights and not the full picture. It’s easy to forget that behind the photos and updates, real life includes ups and downs that aren’t shown online, and what you see isn’t always real or genuine
Encourage balance
- Promote offline activities or hobbies that build confidence and community
Follow positive influences together
- Find creators who promote body positivity, culture, and kindness or that align with your child’s interests
Seek Support
- School counsellors and wellbeing services can be great resources for building self-esteem and giving your child a safe, confidential space to talk about their concerns. Encouraging them to reach out for help shows that it’s okay to ask for support when they need it

Tips to connect and prevent further harm

Depending on the age and stage of your child you might:

Celebrate effort and character more than looks or popularity
Model self-kindness and positive talk about your own body and life
Make media literacy fun, and practice using filters and editing tools to see how they work and how different they make an everyday image appear
Discuss identity and belonging, including who they follow and why
Encourage them to curate a feed that supports their wellbeing
Talk about authenticity and remind them that online validation doesn’t define worth
Keep an open, judgment-free space for conversations about body image, identity, and belonging.
Let your child know they can talk to you about how they feel without fear of criticism or pressure. Listening without judgment helps them feel safe and understood, and it encourages honest conversations about the challenges they might face online.