Comparison Culture: When everyone else seems to be doing better

Social media makes comparison constant, visible and amplified. Instead of comparing themselves to a small group of peers, young people are now comparing themselves to a much wider, curated world.

Platforms are designed to highlight what grabs attention, which is often the best moments, the most attractive images and the most exciting experiences.

Over time, this can create a distorted sense of reality, where it feels like everyone else is happier, more successful and more confident. At the same time, metrics like likes and followers can make comparison feel measurable, turning everyday moments into something to be judged.

What it can look like

Comparison doesn’t always show up directly.

It might look like:

• checking posts repeatedly to see how they’re performing
• deleting or re-editing content that doesn’t get enough attention
• feeling left out after seeing what others are doing
• making comments like “everyone else is better than me”

Sometimes it’s quieter, with small shifts in confidence, mood, or how your child talks about themselves.

For many young people, comparison isn’t just about observing, it can lead to pressure to present a certain image, keep up with trends or expectations or match what others are posting or achieving. This can make social media feel less like a place for connection, and more like a space where they’re being constantly evaluated.

How to respond

Young people are often aware, on some level, that what they’re seeing isn’t the full picture. But that doesn’t always change how it feels.

What really helps is to stay alongside your child and staying curious. Regular, small check-ins about life online can create natural opportunities for talking about wellbeing and building awareness.

You might ask:

• “Do you ever feel like everyone else is doing more than you online?”
• What kind of posts tend to show up on your feed?”
• “How do you usually feel after spending time on that app?”

Helping young people develop a critical eye, and reminding them that what they see online is only part of the picture, can go a long way in reducing the pressure to measure up. Keep bringing the conversation back to strengths, interests, relationships, and values and role-model what it looks like to have a balanced view about success, appearance and comparison.

Comparison is a natural part of growing up—but social media can make it feel constant and harder to step away from.

Helping your child recognise what they’re seeing, understand how it’s shaped, and keep a sense of perspective can make a real difference to how they experience the online world. Knowing they can talk to a trusted adult without judgement or shame is key, and staying curious and informed about how life online is shaping your child’s world is often the most powerful first step.

Check out the 'Talking about self-esteem and identity online' guide for some suggestions on how to approach the topic calmly and confidently.