Talking About Online Friendships
Online friendships are a normal and meaningful part of young people’s lives. This guide offers practical ways to talk about them, helping your child build trust, set boundaries, and develop healthy, respectful relationships.
Young people often form friendships online through shared interests and communities. Talking about these relationships can help your child understand trust, recognise what feels right, and stay connected to supportive people.
What to know
Online friendships and relationships are connections formed and maintained through digital platforms and can be a normal part of growing up in a connected world for many rangatahi.
Relationships and friendships may be formed through social media, chat-enabled gaming platforms, messaging apps or online forums and communities centred on shared interests and hobbies.
Like all relationships, they can be positive and supportive, or sometimes confusing or challenging. They can help young people feel connected, explore interests, build confidence and find belonging. However sometimes these friendships can develop quickly, feel intense, or be hard to interpret (for example understanding the tone, intent or identity behind messages and online profiles).
It's important to remember that friendships that only exist online can still feel very 'real' for your young person. What helps most is supporting your child to build skills to recognise healthy and unhealthy behaviours, set boundaries, take time building trust and feel confident asking for help. One of the most important protective factors for your child's online safety is knowing that they can come and talk to you, or another trusted adult in their whānau or community' if they ever feel unsure.
Top tips for talking about it
Start with curiosity about their friendships
Online friendships are a normal and meaningful part of many young people’s lives. Before focusing on risks, take time to understand who your child connects with and what those relationships mean to them to help your child feel that their relationships are valued and taken seriously.
You might say:
- “Who do you enjoy talking to online at the moment?”
- “What do you like about those friendships?”
- “How did you meet them?”
Showing interest in your child’s friendships helps build trust and keeps conversations open.
Acknowledge that online friendships are real
For young people, online friendships can feel just as real and important as offline ones. They may share interests, support each other and spend time together regularly. Recognising this helps avoid dismissing something that matters to them.
You might say:
- “It sounds like those friendships are important to you.”
- “What do you enjoy doing together online?”
- “What makes a good friend, whether online or offline?”
Recognising the value of online friendships helps your child feel understood and respected.
Talk about what healthy relationships look like
Whether online or offline, healthy relationships are built on respect, kindness, trust and boundaries. Helping your child identify these qualities gives them a strong foundation.
You might say:
- “What does a good friend look like to you?”
- “How do people show respect in online conversations?”
- “How do you know if someone is treating you well?”
Understanding what healthy relationships look like helps young people make positive choices about who they connect with.
Help them recognise when something doesn’t feel right
Not all online relationships are positive. Sometimes interactions can feel uncomfortable or confusing, involve pressure or secrecy or change over time. Supporting your child to trust their instincts is key.
You might say:
- “What would make a conversation feel uncomfortable?”
- “How would you know if something wasn’t quite right?”
- “What would you do if a friendship started to feel different?”
Recognising when something feels off helps young people respond early and protect themselves.
Talk about trust and taking things slowly
Online relationships can develop quickly, especially when people are chatting regularly. It’s helpful to talk about taking time to build trust, not sharing too much too quickly and understanding that people may not always be who they seem.
You might say:
- “How do you decide if you trust someone online?”
- “What kinds of things would you keep private?”
- “Why do you think it’s important to take time getting to know someone?”
Taking time to build trust helps young people stay in control of their relationships.
Encourage balance between online and offline connections
Online friendships can be positive but it’s important they don’t replace real-world relationships and experiences. Encouraging balance helps support wellbeing.
You might say:
- “Who do you enjoy spending time with offline?”
- “What do you like doing away from screens?”
- “How do you balance your time between online and offline?”
Balancing online and offline relationships supports healthy social development and wellbeing.
Let them know they can talk to you about their relationships
If something changes or feels uncomfortable, your child needs to know they can talk to you. This includes friendships that don’t feel good, pressure or confusion, or interactions they’re unsure about.
You might say:
- “You can always talk to me about your friendships.”
- “I’m here to listen, not judge.”
- “We can work things out together.”
A safe, open relationship makes it easier for your child to share what’s happening in their social world.
Bonus Conversation Starters
These questions don’t need to be asked all at once. One small conversation at a time can help build trust and emotional awareness over time.
- “Who do you enjoy talking to online?”
- “What makes someone a good friend?”
- “How do you decide who to trust online?”
- “What would you do if a friendship felt uncomfortable?”
- “How do people show respect in online conversations?”
- “What do you enjoy about your online friendships?”
- “What’s different about online and offline friendships?”
- “Who do you feel most comfortable talking to?”
- “What would you do if someone asked for something personal?”
- “Who could you talk to if something didn’t feel right?”
If you're concerned...
If your child ever feels unsure, uncomfortable, or confused about a relationship, it’s important they feel able to step back and talk about it.
Encourage them to:
- trust their instincts
- take a break from the conversation
- avoid sharing personal information
- talk to someone they trust
You might say:
- “If something feels off, it’s okay to pause.”
- “You don’t have to keep talking to someone if you’re not comfortable.”
- “You can always come to me or another adult you trust.”
You don’t need to know everything about your child’s online friendships to support them. Staying curious, open, and connected helps them build positive relationships and navigate their social world with confidence.
