Talking About Algorithms and Recommendation Systems

What to know

Algorithms and recommendation systems shape a lot of what young people see online.

That includes social apps, but also search results, suggested videos, shopping recommendations, streaming suggestions, games, and online communities.

The issue is often not just how much time a young person is spending online. It is also what is filling that time.

Two people can use the same app or platform and have very different experiences depending on what they watch, click on, search for, skip, save, or follow. Over time, recommendations can start to feel “sticky” because the system keeps learning from those signals.

Some recommendations can be reshaped slowly. Others may need a stronger reset or refresh if they have become narrow, repetitive, or upsetting.

The most helpful conversations are usually about:

• what your child is actually seeing
• how it is affecting them
• what they can do when recommendations start feeling unhelpful or hard to avoid

Over time, these systems can shape not just what your child sees, but how they feel, think, and engage online. Helping them understand that recommendations aren’t neutral, and that they can influence and adjust what shows up, builds a sense of control. By staying curious, checking in regularly, and supporting them to notice what feels helpful or not, you’re helping them develop the awareness and confidence to manage their own online experience.

Top tips for talking about it

Start with genuine curiosity

If the conversation starts with blame or a message that “this app is bad,” many young people will shut down quickly. These platforms are often where they connect, relax, and feel part of something, so it’s important to begin from a place of curiosity rather than criticism.

Starting with what they enjoy helps lower defensiveness and shows that you’re interested in understanding their experience, not just managing it. It also gives you insight into what the platform is doing well, which can make it easier to spot where things start to feel off.

You might say:

• “What do you actually like about this app?”
• “What kinds of recommendations does it get right for you?”
• “What gets repetitive or a bit much?”

Explain the system

Young people can sometimes feel blamed for what shows up in their feeds, especially if the content is upsetting, repetitive, or hard to avoid. Shifting the focus to how the system works helps remove that sense of blame.

Explaining that recommendation systems are designed to keep people engaged, not necessarily to show what’s helpful or healthy, can help your child see that they’re not “doing something wrong.” It also builds a shared understanding of how different experiences can exist on the same platform.

You might say:

• “This app learns from what you watch and shows you more of it.”
• “The recommendations do not know what is best for you. They show what keeps people watching.”
• “Two people can use the same app and see very different things.”

Try a simple 'notice, talk, act' routine

Parents are often told to “have a conversation,” but it can be hard to know where to start. A simple routine like notice–talk–act gives both you and your child a clear, practical way to explore what’s happening together.

This approach works best when it’s done alongside your child, using a real example from one of their apps. It keeps the focus on learning and small changes, rather than trying to fix everything at once.

You might say:

• “What content seems to be getting pushed?”
• “How does this usually leave you feeling?”
• "What could we do to try and re-set the feed?"

Go beyond social media

It’s easy to think of recommendations as something that only happens on social media, but they exist across many parts of a young person’s online world. This means your child may be influenced in ways they don’t always recognise.

Helping them notice where content is being suggested or pushed across different platforms builds a more complete understanding of how these systems work.

You might say:

• “Where do you feel content gets pushed at you the most?”
• “Is that more in social media, YouTube, games, shopping, or somewhere else?”

Talk about pressure, ads, and what starts to feel normal

Recommendation systems don’t just suggest content, they can shape what feels normal, popular, or desirable. Over time, repeated messages can influence how young people think about appearance, success, or what they should want.

This influence isn’t always obvious, especially when ads and sponsored content blend in with regular posts. Helping your child question what they’re seeing builds critical thinking without making them feel judged.

You might say:

• “Do you think this is here because it is useful, or because it gets attention?”
• “Can you tell when something is sponsored or promoted?”
• “Does this make it feel like everyone thinks, buys, or looks a certain way?”

Trends, ads and buying pressure

Sometimes the challenge isn’t just what keeps showing up, it’s what keeps being sold. Repeated exposure to trends, products, or influencer content can create pressure to buy or keep up.

This is a good opportunity to explore how commercial content works and to build habits that slow down decision-making.

You might say:

• “Does this feel like something you chose, or something the app is trying to sell?”
  “Can you tell what’s sponsored, promoted, or pushed?”
  “Do some creators make you want things you didn’t care about before?”

Help them take back some control

Recommendation systems can feel automatic or out of a young person’s control but there are usually small ways to influence what shows up over time.

Helping your child explore these tools together builds confidence and shows that they don’t have to accept everything they’re shown.

You might say:

• “What would you like to see less of?”
• “Do you know where the Not Interested, Hide, or Unfollow tools are?”
• “What would you actually want more of?”

Let them know they can come to you, no matter what

If something they’re seeing online starts to feel confusing, upsetting, or hard to avoid, your child might not always speak up, especially if they think it’s “just how the app works” or they worry you’ll take their device away.

Let them know they can talk to you about anything that shows up in their feed, without getting in trouble or losing access.

You might say:

• “If anything you’re seeing online feels off, you can always talk to me.”
• “You won’t get in trouble, we’ll just figure it out together.”