Playing with others
Who can play with them?
Playing with others can be one of the best parts of gaming — teamwork, laughter, connection.
It can also be where risks show up, especially in games with strangers, public servers, and mixed-age spaces.
This page helps you choose practical boundaries for who your young person plays with, joins, or is exposed to in games.
What 'playing with others' means
It’s not just 'multiplayer or not' — there are different kinds of shared play.
- Playing with known people (friends/cousins/classmates you know offline)
- Matchmaking with strangers (the game pairs you with unknown players)
- Public servers/worlds (drop-in spaces where anyone can join)
- Friends-of-friends (they feel 'known', but you may not know them)
- Mixed-age spaces (children, teens and adults playing together)
- Group play where it's not clear who else is in the game.
Ways to manage playing with others
There isn’t one right answer.
These are common set-ups families use depending on the game, the young person, and what’s happening at home.
Can fit when: your young person is still learning online boundaries, you want play to feel predictable, or you’re building confidence after a negative experience.
What this can look like
• Multiplayer limited to approved friends or whānau
• Private matches, private worlds, or invite-only play where possible
• No public servers, public worlds, or open matchmaking for now
• Play happens in shared spaces more often
Watch for: feeling left out because 'everyone else is in public matches', or pressure to widen who they play with before they’re ready.
Can fit when: your young person wants broader play, and they can use safety tools (block/mute/report/leave) with support.
What this can look like
- Matchmaking allowed in selected games or modes.
- Public play allowed in some spaces, but not all.
- Public servers used only when the game and community feel manageable.
- One-match interactions stay as one-match interactions unless reviewed together.
- Check-ins about who they are meeting and what those spaces feel like.
Watch for: strangers trying to become 'regulars', pressure to join new servers or groups, or anyone trying to move the relationship beyond the game.
Can fit when: your rangatahi has strong privacy habits, can recognise unsafe behaviour, and will come to you early when something feels off.
What this can look like
- Public play is on in some games, off in others.
- Public servers are allowed only in games that feel manageable.
- Regular check-ins about who they are meeting and what those spaces are like.
- A clear plan for leaving, blocking, or reporting if someone crosses a line.
Watch for: quickly widening circles, mixed-age spaces that feel hard to read, or one good game turning into pressure to connect more deeply.
Where are the controls?
Play mode settings can be spread across the game, the platform (console/PC service) and sometimes device settings.
If you can't reduce contact in a game, it may be better suited for offline play or known-people play for now.
Adjusting over time
If your young person wants to play with more people, it can help to grow this in small steps rather than opening everything at once.
Some ways whānau do this:
- Start with known people only.
- Try matchmaking in one game before opening up more games.
- Start with public matches before public servers or worlds.
- Keep it to one new space at a time.
- Set a review point: 'Let’s try this for a week and talk about how it felt'.
- Make the leaving/reporting plan part of the decision from the start.
If your young person wants more access to messaging, invites, or voice, see Chat in games.
Safeguards you could use
You do not have to rely on trust alone — a few practical guardrails can reduce surprises.
- Choose private or invite-only play where possible.
- Be cautious with public servers, worlds, and large open lobbies.
- Start broader play in games or modes that feel calmer and easier to leave.
- Keep gaming in shared spaces sometimes, especially when public play is new.
- Re-check settings after updates, because access settings can change.
- Review together who they usually play with and what spaces they spend time in.
Skills to build over time
These are the skills that help young people handle wider play spaces safely.
- Knowing that people online are not always who they say they are
- Knowing that one fun match does not make someone 'known'.
- Spotting when a space feels too full-on, older, or hard to read
- Leaving when play stops feeling safe or fun
- Recognising pressure like gifts, secrets, rushed closeness, or 'come somewhere else'.
- Coming to a trusted adult early when something feels off
A simple whānau message that often helps:
'You do not have to keep playing with someone just because one game went well.'
Practise together
Goal: make sure your young person can leave a game space quickly if it stops feeling safe or fun.
- Find it: Ask them to show you which modes are private, public, or open to strangers.
- Practise: Go through the steps to leave a match, server or world.
- Agree: If a space feels weird or unsafe, they can leave first and tell you after.
If something's gone wrong
If something has already happened — like unsafe behaviour from strangers, pressure, gifts, threats, sexual messages, or mixed-age spaces that feel wrong — it can help to:
- Pause broader multiplayer play for now.
- Tighten who they can play with.
- Avoid public servers, worlds, or open lobbies for now.
- Save what you can (screenshots, usernames, server names, time/date, message logs)
- Report in the game/platform where it happened
- Stay calm and supportive — your response affects whether they’ll come to you early next time
- Get support — go to the app's Getting Help page.
