Gaming together
Staying connected with gaming
Gaming together isn’t about becoming a gamer, it’s a practical way to stay connected to what your young person is doing online, notice risks earlier, and make safety conversations easier.
This page gives simple ways to get involved that fit real-life whānau routines (and can change as your young person becomes more independent).
What 'gaming together' can look like (it's not just playing)
Being involved can be small and still make a difference.
- Watching for a few minutes (being an active spectator)
- Asking them to teach you (they’re the expert)
- Playing for a short set time (even 5–10 minutes)
- Sitting nearby during online play (so support is close if needed)
- Doing the safety set-up together (settings, friends list, spending controls)
Ways to manage screen use
There isn’t one right answer. Here are some approaches you might use depending on what your young person needs right now.
This can work when your young person wants independence, or you’re not keen to play but you still want visibility and connection.
What this can look like
- Once a week: 'Show me what you’re working towards in this game.'
- A quick tour of the game’s main menu/settings
- Asking who they usually play with (without interrogating)
- Noticing: chat, spending prompts, intensity, and how they react to wins/losses
Look out for chat or friend requests that keep coming up during these check-ins, and consider strategies to manage this if it seems out of balance. See Chat and Voice in games.
This can work when you want safety supports in place without hovering during play.
What this can look like
- Sit together to check: privacy, friend requests, chat settings, spending barriers
- Agree one small boundary (e.g., where gaming happens, or purchases need approval)
- Re-check settings after updates (some games reset things)
Look out for signs that switching off is hard, or if sessions run longer than planned. See Time & game design.
This can work when your young person enjoys you joining in, or you want a first-hand feel for the game and community.
What this can look like
- Play together for the first 5–10 minutes (or last 5–10 minutes)
- Choose calmer modes when possible (creative/co-op)
- Keep it light: the goal is connection, not 'getting good'
- Use shared play to spot pressure points (toxic chat, spending pop-ups, 'one more' loops)
Look out for team voice chat or parties that make things feel intense or hard to supervise. If that’s the issue, see strategies to manage this in Chat and voice in games.
Adjusting over time
As your young person grows, “gaming together” often shifts from playing side-by-side to staying connected through smaller, regular check-ins.
Here are some ideas on how to do this:
- Swap control for curiosity ('Show me what you enjoy' instead of 'Let me see everything')
- Keep it routine (a quick weekly check-in beats a big lecture)
- Let them lead (they teach; you add values and perspective)
- Stay available (make it clear you’re a safe person to come to when things go wrong)
Safeguards you could use
The goal is visibility and support, not reading every message. Staying curious and available matters most, and these supports can reduce risk while keeping trust strong:
- Shared-space gaming sometimes (especially when a game is new or online play is new)
- A predictable check-in rhythm (“After you play, tell me one good thing and one annoying thing”)
- Make safety tools normal (muting, leaving, reporting are “smart moves”, not dramatic moves)
- Keep changes calm (avoid rule changes mid-meltdown; reset later when everyone’s calm)
Skills to build over time (the real 'win')
When you stay involved, you can help your young person build skills that travel with them across games and apps.
Some key skills to develop include:
- Talking early when something feels off (before it becomes a mess)
- Managing emotions after wins/losses (knowing when to pause)
- Handling peer pressure (not staying online just because others want them to)
- Recognising manipulation (gifts, secrets, rushing closeness, off-platform pressure)
- Using safety tools confidently (mute/block/report/leave)
A simple message that often helps is "You don’t have to handle weird stuff alone, I’ll help."
Practise together
The goals here is to make it easy for your young person to act quickly if something goes wrong.
Pick one tool and ask them to show you mute or leave (whichever is most relevant right now).
Try it once and practise using it when nothing is going wrong.
Agree the next step to take if something feels unsafe. For example using the tool first, then coming to tell you.
If something's happened
If you think something’s happening online and your young person isn’t talking, gaming together can be a gentle way back in, but it helps to keep it calm and non-judgemental.
You could try:
- A short, specific invitation ('Can I watch the last 10 minutes?')
- Curiosity questions that don’t sound like an interrogation ('What’s the best and worst part of this game lately?')
- Reducing pressure to disclose ('You don’t have to tell me everything, just tell me if anything feels weird or unsafe.')
