First Phone: Building Skills To Get Ready
Building readiness for a young person’s first phone
If you’ve decided not to get a phone just yet, you’re not doing nothing. You’re giving your young person or teen time to build the skills and confidence they’ll need to use a phone safely.
This page supports parents and caregivers to help a young person:
- build key online safety skills before a first phone, and
- practise habits that still matter after a phone is introduced.
Practise together before the phone
You can build real readiness before a phone is introduced, by using a shared device.
Use the same rules you would want later on a phone, for example:
- ask before downloading.
- stop when time is up.
- tell an adult if something feels wrong.
Sit alongside your young person sometimes and ask them to show you what they enjoy online.
Keep check-ins short and curious, not interrogating.
The skills to practise before a first phone
You don't need to do all of this at once. One skill at a time is enough.
Focus on
Help your young person build the basics they will use across phones, games, apps, and accounts:
- keeping personal information private
- using strong passwords or passphrases
- knowing what to do if something private is shared by mistake
- thinking ahead before posting, sharing, or forwarding.
Try together
- Sort examples into private and okay to share: birthday, school name, address, password, uniform photo, location.
- Make a simple passphrase together using 3 or 4 random words.
- Agree on a reset plan: tell an adult, change the password, log out of other devices if needed.
- Use three questions before sharing:
- Would I be okay if whānau saw this?
- Would I be okay if this was shared?
- Could this hurt me or someone else later?
Look for
Signs readiness is growing:
- they know what information should stay private
- they are more careful about what they share
- they tell an adult if a password is lost or shared
- they pause before posting or forwarding something.
Focus on
Help your young person build judgement, not just rules:
- checking whether something online is real
- noticing when a profile, message, or claim does not feel right
- understanding that not everyone online is who they say they are
- getting into the habit of checking before sharing.
Try together
- Use a quick check when something surprising comes up:
- Who made this?
- What do they want?
- How do we know?
- Practise checking a claim using two sources.
- Talk about how usernames, avatars, and follower counts do not prove someone is real.
- Ask what might make them feel unsure about trusting a message, account, or video.
Look for
Signs readiness is growing:
- they question things instead of accepting them straight away
- they can name why something feels fake, misleading, or off
- they are less likely to share something just because it is interesting or dramatic
- they ask for help when they are unsure.
Focus on
A lot of first-phone challenges are social, not technical. Focus on:
- handling pressure in games, chats, and friendships
- pausing before replying when emotions are high
- being kind online
- knowing when to walk away from conflict
Try together
- Talk about what pressure can look like online: streaks, repeated messages, dares, group chat drama, pressure to reply straight away.
- Practise a few simple exit lines:
- “Got to go.”
- “Not doing that.”
- “I’ll reply later.”
- Use a 'read it out loud' test before sending a message.
- Agree on a cool-off rule: no replies for 10 minutes when upset.
- Ask what a kind response sounds like when they disagree with someone.
Look for
Signs readiness is growing:
- they can pause instead of reacting straight away
- they are better at stepping away from pressure
- they can name a safe response to conflict
- they are starting to think about tone, not just intention.
Focus on
Your young person does not need to solve big online problems alone. Focus on:
- asking for help early
- knowing one or two safe first steps
- understanding that mistakes can be fixed
- learning that telling an adult will not mean instant blame or punishment
Try together
- Practise a simple plan:
- do not reply
- close the app
- mute or block
- screenshot if needed
- tell a trusted adult.
- Rehearse Stop–Show–Tell:
- Stop using the app or device
- Show a trusted adult what happened
- Tell someone who can help.
- Use a pretend example so the steps feel familiar.
- Talk about what your young person would want an adult to do if something went wrong.
Look for
Signs readiness is growing:
- they are more willing to tell you when something feels off
- they know one safe step they can take first
- they recover from mistakes with support instead of hiding them
- they are starting to trust that asking for help is the right move.
Focus on
Readiness is also about how online spaces affect wellbeing:
- stopping when time is up
- protecting sleep
- noticing mood changes after screens
- recognising when comparison, exclusion, or overwhelm is building.
Try together
- Use a 5-minute warning before screen time ends.
- Pair “screens off” with a clear next step, like shower, snack, reading, or getting ready for bed.
- Do a quick body check after screens:
- tired
- tense
- grumpy
- calm
- Talk about the kinds of online experiences that leave them feeling good, and the ones that leave them feeling worse.
- Agree on one simple sleep boundary, such as phones out of bedrooms overnight or screens off by a set time.
Look for
Signs readiness is growing:
- stopping screen time causes less conflict
- they can notice when content or chats affect their mood
- they are building routines that support sleep and switching off
- they can say what helps them reset when they feel overwhelmed.
Start this week
Day 1: Pick one skill
Choose one thing to focus on this week, such as:
- keeping personal information private
- handling pressure online
- stopping screen time
- asking for help early
You do not need to cover everything at once. Just name the focus.
Try saying: “This week, let’s practise just one thing.”
Days 2–6: Practise in small moments
Look for everyday chances to practise:
- while using a shared device
- when a game or video ends
- when something confusing comes up online
- during a quick car ride or after school kōrero
Keep it short. A few minutes is enough.
Day 7: Review together
Take five minutes to check in.
Try asking:
- “What felt easy this week?”
- “What felt tricky?”
- “What should we practise next?”
Progress matters more than perfection.
Some young people need more structure
Some young people need more routine, repetition, or support while they build these skills. That does not mean they cannot use technology safely. It may just mean going more slowly and keeping things more predictable.
Progress may look like: fewer surprises around screen use, more confidence with routines, less stress around stopping or asking for help.
Signs a young person is more 'ready' for a first phone
You might notice your young person is becoming more ready when they can usually:
- pause before clicking, posting, or replying
- talk more openly about what happens online
- follow limits with fewer reminders
- ask for help earlier
- recover from mistakes without hiding them
- stop screen time with less conflict.
Readiness is not about perfection. It is about steady growth.
Shared care and multi-household families
If your young person moves between homes, you can best help them to prepare for a first phone by keeping the safety messages clear.
Focus on
- agreeing on shared safety messages
- keeping expectations simple
- making sure your young person knows who to go to for help in each home.
Try together
- Agree on 2 or 3 minimum shared rules, such as:
- tell an adult if something goes wrong
- no new apps without checking first
- devices off at night.
- Use the same language across households where possible.
- Make sure your young person knows which adult to go to for support in each home.
Look for
- less confusion about rules
- clearer help-seeking
- more confidence moving between different households and expectations.
What to do next
Keep practising one skill at a time. You can always slow down, repeat a step, or come back to this page later.
Need support while you're building skills?
If something goes wrong online, or you’d like help supporting your young person’s confidence and safety skills, Netsafe can help.
Our service is free, confidential, and judgement-free.
