Pile-ons: When online moments take on a life of their own

For young people, these moments can be hard to navigate. From the outside, these situations can look like “drama” but for the person at the centre, they can feel overwhelming and very real.

What's happening?

Online spaces make it easy for moments to escalate. A single post or comment can quickly turn into multiple replies, jokes and memes and wider sharing.

A pile-on can escalate due to the speed with which people online can react to content, and the visibility that social media provides for seeing what other people are doing and following. People may join in with a pile-on without fully thinking about the impact because being part of a group can make it feel less personal, like responsibility is shared or diluted. They may also take part because of a feeling of pressure - like not joining in would cause them to stand out.

For young people, these dynamics can be hard to step back from.

What helps

Parents often hear about these situations after the fact, or only see the impact, not the lead-up. It can be tempting to focus on stopping behaviour, but young people often need help understanding how these situations form, what role they play and what choices they have.

You might ask:

• “Have you seen situations where lots of people join in on one person online?”
• “What do you think makes it escalate like that?”
• “What different roles do people play in those moments?”

What really helps is to stay alongside your child and staying curious to find a connection. Normalise the pressure that they may be feeling to follow the group and keep up with what others are doing - but highlight the choices they have, such as not liking and not sharing, and checking up on someone privately if they've been targeted. Build their confidence to help them think through what they could do, even if they don't always act on it.

Check out the 'Talking about online group chat' guide for some suggestions on how to approach the topic calmly and confidently.